And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
