Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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