come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
