I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
