I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
