How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you pee in the oven last night??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
