between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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