Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize