he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
