Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
