I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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