Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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