i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hippo gnu deer
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
