So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
