Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So many bounce houses so little time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
