So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
