I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
