The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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