And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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My ATM looks so different sober.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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