Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize