wake up i wanna do it froggy style
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
