I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
