you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
