Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
