i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
