when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize