Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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