Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think my vagina is haunted
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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