He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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