Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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