and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
