she was so not down for the gang bang
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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