So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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