last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
