I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
