Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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