I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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