I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
