im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
