1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
