One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
