he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
