I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
