i think i have two assholes
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
