did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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