I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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