I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
