It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
