Who wears a wallet chain?!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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