I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
