Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
