I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
