Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
