Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
