3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I smell stomach acid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
