how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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