Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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