i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
