listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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