don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
