I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
