I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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