He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize