my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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