wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
