I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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