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During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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