my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
