So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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