Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
