Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
