you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize