Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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