I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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