Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i think i just lost a toe
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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