Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
