I want to make a zoo with you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
