never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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