I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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