Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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